Saying good-bye to an old friend is never easy. Especially if this friend was there to share some of your most noteworthy memories. This weekend we bid-farewell to Brickell’s oldest friend Tobacco Road, the place I’d like to say holds some of the greatest memories from my early days in Brickell, even if some of those memories are a bit blurry. It sucks to say good-bye to a friend like this because history is a part of all of us and as Brickellites, Tobacco Road has touched all of our experiences in Brickell. From kickball parties, to tomato tosses, to a full beach party in it’s backyard, we all have some sort of memory within the Roads perimeter. But this isn’t about you – it’s about our friend and like any good farewell party the departee deserves a good roast.
So here it is you old skunk. Brickellista’s roast to you, Tobacco Road.
We first met upon my first week in Brickell. I was just a doe-eyed girl looking for a good burger. You had musical baggage hosting some of the most legendary blues musicians of our time… but more importantly you had a decent piece of meat under your belt. So, I went in for what was then a $0.96 burger on a Friday afternoon and we instantly hit it off. My experience was satisfactory and you, my friend, became my Friday afternoon call. I would walk in to your doors feeling like a queen. Back then Brickell wasn’t what it is today and most of your patrons were homeless alcoholics looking for a fix. But I too was a regular, I came for the food….until I gained 6lbs thanks to your burgers, nachos, and my addiction to your greasy onion rings. It was time for a break. You were a toxic friend and made me fat. I hated you.
In 2011 we met again. I was in uniform and in rare form with my kickball team the Brickell Ballers, but you didn’t judge. You happily poured me another pitcher and let me have fun – you knew I needed to let my hair down. We started Brickell Ballers to kick back with our old college pals, and you instantly fit in with our rowdy crew. You welcomed our team along with other kickballers to as we tried to build a community of young professionals in Miami. Without you, and beer pong, it wouldn’t have been as fun. I made new friends and I fell in/out of love under your roof, and you watched along like an old creepy bastard.
It was no surprise that in 2012 I came to celebrate your 100 years on earth. Even though you smelled like vomit, you were my oldest friend and deserved the respect of a decent celebration. You get used to the smell after a while, no!?
I rounded my pals and we partied along with countless others that wanted to commemorate this special day. I take birthdays very seriously. We danced, ate, and partied until the sun went down. The next morning was rough and I hated you again, but you were the talk of the town and quickly became a legend in my eyes. You don’t mess with the Road because the Road will mess you up.
Unfortunately, someone did mess with you and messed you up for all of us. When the news came that you were being torn down it came as a shock. The growth of Brickell has taken a warrior and we sacrificed a legend to build something new and “exciting.” Hopefully these developers understand that something epic needs to replace the Road because we the Brickellites are not easily amused. The challenge is on the table Carlos Mattos – you better fucking bring it.
Tobacco Road, we are once again saying good-bye but this time it’s not because you made me fat, but because someone has come between us.
To us Brickellites you will always be our older and wiser friend that encouraged poor decisions and a good time. You will never be forgotten because thanks to you we will always have a great dinner story to tell. Your memory will always be relived.
Cheers to you, you old hag. This Saturday we say good-bye but hopefully not for too long. At your age a little R&R is well deserved. See you this weekend you dirty dirty bar. And as always, my secrets are safe with you.
Toodles for now,